{"id":14092,"date":"2016-05-18T19:37:23","date_gmt":"2016-05-18T19:37:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/?p=14092"},"modified":"2026-03-31T15:10:22","modified_gmt":"2026-03-31T15:10:22","slug":"three-ways-acceptance-helps-work-difficult-emotions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/three-ways-acceptance-helps-work-difficult-emotions\/","title":"Three Ways Acceptance Helps You Work with Difficult Emotions","content":{"rendered":"<p>People often stumble over the concept of acceptance as an approach for dealing with difficult emotions and mind states. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/the-mindful-way-through-depression-video\/\">mindfulness-based cognitive therapy<\/a> (MBCT) groups that I\u2019ve led, this predictably comes up around the fourth or fifth session as participants say \u201cHow can I accept this pain?\u201d or \u201cI want to feel fewer of these difficult emotions, not more!\u201d These reactions reflect an underlying calculation that even though trying to avoid or push away negative thoughts and feelings can be exhausting, the strategy has worked in the past, so\u2026 why risk using a different and unfamiliar strategy?<\/p>\n<p>In these moments, rather than answer this question directly, I find it helpful to remind myself of three simple points:<\/p>\n<p><strong>1. Allowing negative emotions to exist in our lives\u2014for the moment\u2014does not mean that we\u2019ve chosen not to take action<\/strong>. The concept of acceptance, as introduced in MBCT, is intended to describe the possibility of developing a different relationship to experience, one that is characterized by allowing an experience and letting it be. Allowing difficult feelings to be in awareness means registering their presence before making a choice about how to respond to them. It takes a real commitment and involves a deliberate movement of attention. Importantly, \u201callowing\u201d is not the same as being resigned or passive or helpless.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2. Denying that a negative mindset is taking place is more risky for your mental health<\/strong>. The opposite of allowing is actually quite risky. Being unwilling to experience negative thoughts, feelings, or sensations is often <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/the-7-drivers-of-old-habits-of-thinking\/\">the first link in a mental chain that can lead to automatic, habitual, and critical patterns of mind becoming re-established<\/a>. You can see this when someone says \u201cI\u2019m stupid to think like this\u201d or \u201cI should be strong enough to cope with that.\u201d By contrast, shifting the basic stance toward experience, from one of \u201cnot wanting\u201d to one of \u201copening,\u201d allows this chain reaction of habitual responses to be altered at the first link. Thus, \u201cI should be strong enough\u201d shifts to \u201cAh, fear is here\u201d or \u201cJudgment is present.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>3. Acceptance helps you work through each unpleasant experience<\/strong>. The third is that the practices of MBCT offer concrete ways for cultivating a stance of &#8220;allowing and letting be&#8221; in the midst of difficult experiences. In fact, often people \u201cknow\u201d intellectually that it might be helpful to be more loving, caring, and accepting toward themselves and what they are feeling, but have very little idea how to do it. These capacities are unlikely to be produced merely by an effort of will. Instead, they require working through the body with repeated practice over time to notice things, like anxiety, may show up as tightness in the chest, or sadness as heaviness in the shoulders.<\/p>\n<p>Bringing attention\/awareness to the sensations that accompany difficult experiences offers the possibility of learning to relate differently to such experiences in each moment. In time, this practice of working through the body may allow people to realize, through their own experiential practice, that they can allow unpleasant experiences and still be okay.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Welcoming and letting tough emotions be\u2014instead of pushing them away\u2014might be the key to riding out unpleasant experiences. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":14094,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17323,17599,17619,17606],"tags":[1018,779,17274],"departments":[],"issues":[],"coauthors":[966],"class_list":["post-14092","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-magazine","category-mindfulness-for","category-essays","category-stress-anxiety","tag-difficult-emotions","tag-mbct","tag-premium"],"acf":[],"site_id":1,"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.5 (Yoast SEO v27.5) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Three Ways Acceptance Helps You Work with Difficult Emotions - Mindful<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Welcoming and letting tough emotions be\u2014instead of pushing them away\u2014might be the key to riding out unpleasant experiences.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/three-ways-acceptance-helps-work-difficult-emotions\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Three Ways Acceptance Helps You Work with Difficult Emotions\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Welcoming and letting tough emotions be\u2014instead of pushing them away\u2014might be the key to riding out unpleasant experiences.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/three-ways-acceptance-helps-work-difficult-emotions\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Mindful\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/mindfulorg\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-05-18T19:37:23+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-03-31T15:10:22+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/zindel_emotions.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"740\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"357\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Zindel Segal\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@MindfulOnline\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@MindfulOnline\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Zindel Segal\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.mindful.org\\\/three-ways-acceptance-helps-work-difficult-emotions\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.mindful.org\\\/three-ways-acceptance-helps-work-difficult-emotions\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Zindel Segal\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.mindful.org\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/d008ea93b72aaca4da6450cc286601b9\"},\"headline\":\"Three Ways Acceptance Helps You Work with Difficult Emotions\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-05-18T19:37:23+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-03-31T15:10:22+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.mindful.org\\\/three-ways-acceptance-helps-work-difficult-emotions\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":519,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.mindful.org\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.mindful.org\\\/three-ways-acceptance-helps-work-difficult-emotions\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.mindful.org\\\/content\\\/uploads\\\/2016\\\/05\\\/zindel_emotions.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Difficult Emotions\",\"MBCT\",\"premium\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Magazine\",\"Mindfulness For\",\"Personal Essays\",\"Stress &amp; 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