{"id":17891,"date":"2017-07-26T19:27:32","date_gmt":"2017-07-26T19:27:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/?p=17891"},"modified":"2026-03-31T15:37:52","modified_gmt":"2026-03-31T15:37:52","slug":"being-with-stressful-moments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/being-with-stressful-moments\/","title":"Being with Challenging Moments Rather Than Avoiding Them","content":{"rendered":"

Stress is bad. Ease is good. And mindfulness<\/a> is about shifting from the former to the later.<\/p>\n

Or is it?<\/p>\n

When we began our mindfulness practice<\/a>, this quickly turned into one of our core beliefs. We were both stressed out and overwhelmed in our lives\u2014searching desperately for some way to find a greater sense of ease and flow.<\/p>\n

So, like many in the mindfulness community, we turned to meditation as a way to cultivate calm and eradicate stress. And, in many ways, it worked. But we also noticed that we still got stressed\u2026 a lot! No matter how much we practiced, our lives continued to bring us stressful situations, relationships, and conversations.<\/p>\n

Of course, we weren\u2019t the only ones clinging to this idea that stress is bad and ease is good. We found this idea lurking in the background of meditation apps, workplace mindfulness programs, and articles offering tips and strategies on reducing stress and anxiety. We found it in popular books and articles on meditation, with headlines like \u201cReduce Stress with Mindfulness,\u201d \u201cOvercome Stress and Be Happier,\u201d or \u201cMeditation\u2014The Stress Solution.\u201d<\/p>\n

No matter how much we practiced, our lives continued to bring us stressful situations, relationships, and conversations.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Like many in the mindfulness community, this idea that stress is bad became an almost sacred belief. Whenever the uncomfortable sensations of stress arose, whenever we felt the faint call of our muscles tensing, our stomach churning, or our heartrate racing, we turned to the breath as a way to control and shift our experience from stress to ease. This approach helped us reframe our thoughts. But we were often left with a residue of physical sensation in the body that we would label as “discomfort.” Our strategy to eradicate stress wasn\u2019t working.<\/p>\n

Over time, we experienced the underside of this commonly held desire to get rid of stress. We learned first hand that by prioritizing ease over stress, we created a subtle form of aversion\u2014one that undermines mindfulness and our ability to thrive in the living of our lives.<\/p>\n

The 2 Stress Avoidance Traps<\/h3>\n

1) The \u2018Get Rid Of\u2019 Trap<\/strong><\/p>\n

The first is internal to the practice of meditation itself. In many meditative traditions, one of the core principles is non-judgmental awareness<\/a>\u2013the idea of allowing thoughts, sensations, and perceived phenomena come and go. The goal, in other words, isn\u2019t to master the art of controlling our internal experience. The goal is to learn to be with whatever is arising, pleasurable, painful, comfortable, or uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

Put bluntly, when we use mindfulness to get rid of stress, we\u2019re no longer being mindful.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The paradox is that when we use meditation to get rid of stress, we leave this core principle behind. Instead of witnessing the rise and fall of phenomena, we attach to certain states\u2014ease, relaxation, flow\u2014while simultaneously avoiding other \u201cnegative\u201d states\u2014stress, anxiety, irritation. Put bluntly, when we use mindfulness to get rid of stress, we\u2019re no longer being mindful.<\/p>\n

2) The Stress Mindset Trap<\/strong><\/p>\n

The second trap is based on the popular belief and faulty assumption that all stress is indeed bad. While this belief is commonplace, the science of stress fails to back it up.<\/p>\n

Consider the research of Stanford psychologist Alia Crum. Crum\u2019s research<\/a> shows that how we respond to stress has a lot to do with our \u201cstress mindset.\u201d In one study, for instance, participants were tasked with doing a mock job interview, an almost universally stressful undertaking. Prior to the interview, some subjects were shown a video informing them that while stress is often seen as bad, \u201cresearch shows that stress is enhancing.\u201d Another group of subjects was shown a video claiming that research shows stress is even more debilitating than you might expect.<\/p>\n

The results were quite simply amazing. Crum\u2019s team found that altering the \u201cstress mindset\u201d of participants changed their biological response to stress. Those in the stress enhancing group, experienced an increase in the hormone DHEA a hormone associated with building optimal health, along with an associated rise in the growth index\u2014a measure of focus and problem solving skills. Those who went into the interview thinking stress was bad, experienced a diminished biological response and performance.<\/p>\n

All of this is to say believing that \u201cstress is bad\u201d is both factually inaccurate and counter productive. It\u2019s inaccurate because the research shows short-term stress (as opposed to chronic stress) often promotes positive mental and physical outcomes: good stress can be a powerful catalyst for growth. It\u2019s counter productive because simply believing the thought \u201cstress is bad\u201d leads to a stress mindset that undermines the ability of our body and mind to deal effectively with the stress we face.<\/p>\n

Practice: Reimagining Stressful Moments with Notice-Shift-Rewire<\/h3>\n

So, go ahead\u2014stress yourself out. Of course, you don\u2019t want to take this too far: as we all know, when stress becomes chronic, it can indeed become bad. But it\u2019s worth experimenting with allowing yourself to move into the experience of stress in short bursts.<\/p>\n

There are two ways to do this.<\/p>\n

1) Cultivate the mindful experience of stress using Notice-Shift-Rewire<\/a>.<\/strong> Let the experience of stress be your reminder to Notice what is happening here and now. Notice<\/em> the sensations that accompany stress and see if you can even notice the part of you that favors the pleasurable experience of ease over the discomfort of stress. Try to catch yourself in this mind state of stress aversion.<\/p>\n

The next step is to Shift<\/em> back to non-judgmental awareness. See what happens when you simply observe the acceleration of your heartbeat, the tension in your jaw, shoulders or stomach, or the racing of anxious thoughts. What if that sensation of tension wasn\u2019t labeled as \u2018bad\u2019?<\/p>\n

Then Rewire<\/em> by staying with whatever is arising. Let go of any effort to change your state.<\/p>\n

2) Build resilience by shifting your mindset.<\/strong> Notice<\/em> when you try to avoid certain events, experiences, or tasks as a way to steer clear of stress. Then Shift<\/em> by reminding yourself\u2014\u201cstress isn\u2019t bad. It\u2019s often both a pathway to remembering to notice (advancing your practice) and to growth.\u201d And, finally, Rewire<\/em> by facing the stressors that arise in the course of life head on, staying with whatever arises.<\/p>\n

By now, it should be clear that stress can either work for you or against you. By resisting and avoiding it, you diminish your ability to effectively navigate stress. But by integrating Notice-Shift-Rewire<\/a> into your life, you can turn stress into an advantage.<\/p>\n

Start developing this habit of Notice-Shift-Rewiring<\/a> by setting a tiny goal\u2014purposefully face into the discomfort of an ordinarily stressful situation once each day. If you want to make this even more sticky, tell your friends and family about your approach and see how they react. The simple act of explaining your alternative stress mindset can reinforce your practice and help others view stress from a different, bigger, perspective.<\/p>\n

Eric Langshur and Nate Klemp, PhD. are co-authors of the New York Times Bestselling book: Start Here \u2013 Master the Lifelong Habit of Wellbeing.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When we use mindfulness to get rid of stress, we\u2019re no longer being mindful. Try this practice for being with and reimagining stressful moments.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":243,"featured_media":17892,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17599,17606],"tags":[17274],"departments":[],"issues":[],"coauthors":[1080],"class_list":["post-17891","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mindfulness-for","category-stress-anxiety","tag-premium"],"acf":[],"site_id":1,"yoast_head":"\nBeing with Challenging Moments Rather Than Avoiding Them - Mindful<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Experience a sense of ease & flow with mindfulness. 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