{"id":25586,"date":"2018-08-08T18:23:47","date_gmt":"2018-08-08T18:23:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/?p=25586"},"modified":"2026-03-31T15:53:56","modified_gmt":"2026-03-31T15:53:56","slug":"how-to-teach-your-kids-about-their-inner-critic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/how-to-teach-your-kids-about-their-inner-critic\/","title":"How to Teach Your Kids About Their Inner Critic","content":{"rendered":"\n

Have you ever heard your child say something like: \u201cI\u2019m not good at this,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m so stupid,\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s all my fault,\u201d or even \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have even tried.\u201d Perhaps some kids don\u2019t say these things out loud, but maybe they refrain from doing certain activities or speaking up in school because they\u2019ve already convinced themselves that they\u2019re not good enough. Over time, these behaviors can grow into what we all have come to know as the inner critic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For kids, however, I like to refer to the inner critic as \u201cThe Critical Critter\u201d to take some of the weight off. Exploring self-critical thoughts can often feel like heavy, exhausting work, so using a playful approach can help children bring a certain amount of lightness to balance out the heavy work of noticing unhelpful habits and challenging them or approaching them differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Exploring self-critical thoughts can often feel like heavy, exhausting work, so using a playful approach can help children bring a certain amount of lightness to balance out the heavy work of noticing unhelpful habits and challenging them or approaching them differently.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The character of the inner critic as \u201cCritter\u201d helps children understand when they are being too hard on themselves and also the crucial lesson that thoughts are not facts. Just because we think we\u2019re rubbish at something doesn\u2019t make it true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So how do you start a conversation with your children about the self-defeating, self-critical thoughts that we all have running on repeat in the back of our minds?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is how I help children (and parents) to understand the inner critic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Introducing the Critical Critter<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In a previous post, I talk about how the brain is like a house, with an upstairs and a downstairs. This idea comes in part from Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson\u2019s book The Whole-Brain Child<\/em><\/a> and it\u2019s a really simple way to help kids to think about what\u2019s going on inside their head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having introduced the idea of the brain house, I tell children that we\u2019re going to add in a rather scary, hairy, and un-fairy-like creature. You know your child, so make sure this makes sense to them. Some children may need lots of reassurance that this is just pretend \u2014 \u201cthere aren\u2019t really characters living in our brain\u201d \u2014 whilst others may relish the opportunity to run wild with imagination.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Critical Critter in the Brain House<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Critical Critter lives in the upstairs brain house with the thinkers, problem solvers, planners, emotion regulators, creatives, flexible and empathic types in the neocortex. To begin with, we may not notice that the Critter has moved in. It may start out with a quiet voice, occasionally speaking up with critical self-talk. But, the more we listen to its words, the bigger it grows. The Critical Critter is fed on a diet of negative self-talk and unkind, unsupportive words from others. Each time we chew on harsh and unjustified criticism, it\u2019s like giving the critter another burger to munch on. One day, we discover the Big C has unpacked all its luggage, and grown large enough to throw its weight around. The Big C has turned into a BIG BULLY, squashing any hopes of self-compassion or kindness from the upstairs \u201cthinking\u201d characters. And, not content with that, this dastardly doubter is also lurking downstairs in our feeling brain (the limbic system), telling Fearsome Fred that he\u2019s right to panic and flip his lid because everything is going to go wrong. And when it does, insists the Critter, Fearless Fred will be to blame because he\u2019s useless. We. Are. Useless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Notice the Critical Critter in Action<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Think of some examples to share with your child about what else the Critical Critter does. Choose examples that aren\u2019t too stressful because if you make your kids feel too anxious they may end up feeding their Critter right then and there!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s an example I might use:<\/p>\n\n\n\n